Mindfulove · Article
Love for light,
Love for Darkness
Explained
The idea behind the app, explained from the beginning.
The moon has a bright side and a dark side. Yet when someone says, “Look at the moon tonight — isn't it beautiful?” they are referring to the bright part. Something similar happens with the word love. When people talk about love, they assume they are talking about the good kind. But love can go either way. There is love for light, and there is love for darkness.
When it comes to the moon, being aware of its dark side holds little to no consequence for the quality of our lives. On the other hand, when it comes to the types of love (love for light vs love for darkness), being aware of both is a fundamental step in the skill we call discernment.
Types of love explained
We are used to seeing love as a good thing: the bond that holds a marriage together, what a mother feels for her child, the spark that makes someone great at their work, their sport, or their art.
Yet love is not good or bad on its own. It takes the character of whatever it is attached to.
For example, a person can either love to heal people or love to hurt people. A person can either love peace or love drama. Both are love — pointed in opposite directions.
Love is a force, not a direction. What you love decides which way that force pushes you.
That is why I put love into two categories. It's likely that every kind of love fits into one of them.
Love for light
Love for light is love that leads to what reasonable people would call good. It moves toward clarity, truth, lasting peace and joy. A relationship built on love for light is usually a healthy one. The person driven by it tends to be selfless, and tends to carry humility.
Love for darkness
Love for darkness is love that leads to what reasonable people would call bad. It moves toward confusion, illusion, and instant gratification, with no regard for its long-term costs. A relationship built on love for darkness is usually a toxic one. The person driven by it tends to be selfish, and tends to carry pride.
Side by side
| Love for light | Love for darkness | |
|---|---|---|
| Moves toward | Clarity, truth, lasting peace and joy | Confusion, illusion, instant gratification |
| Builds | A healthy relationship | A toxic relationship |
| Motivated by | Selflessness | Selfishness |
| Carries | Humility | Pride |
Examples of the types of love
- •The work trip: One man loves the trip because it is a chance to cheat. Another loves it because he comes home with a story for his wife.
- •The sale: One salesman loves the reward enough to lie for it. Another loves the sale because he believes the product will improve his customer's life — and walks away when he believes it won't.
- •The argument: One person loves winning the argument, because it makes him feel above the other. Another loves understanding what is true, even when that means admitting he was wrong.
- •The layoff: One woman loves the comfort her husband's income provides, and when he loses his job, the love cools with it. Another draws closer, to stand with him through the trial.
The difference between both types of love
Notice what separates them. It is not how strongly the person loves. Both loves are attraction and affection, urgent and real to the one who has them. What separates them is the direction the love is aimed, and the foundation it sets for the future.
Nobody is purely one or the other. Most of us carry both, in different areas or phases of our lives. That is why identifying our love tendencies is a skill, not an attempt to pin a permanent label on ourselves.
The question is never “which kind of person am I.” The question is “which love is running this relationship, right now.”
Learning to spot light and darkness tendencies in ourselves is a skill worth building, because it can directly improve the quality of every relationship we have.
A note on self-awareness
It is only fair to acknowledge that discovering our own darkness tendencies can be an emotional challenge, because it leaves the door open for guilt, shame, insecurity, and denial. That topic deserves its own article, and it will get one.
For now, the objective of this article is simply to share the concept of the types of love. Becoming aware of which love tends to run us is simply self-awareness. And self-awareness is widely recognized across psychology and medicine as a core part of human health, emotional maturity, and the ability to live well with other people.
Both types of love feel good, and the reward of each is powerful. But their long-term consequences move in opposite directions.
Take the survey.
See where your love falls — it only takes a few minutes.